Christmas

This is one of my favorite times of the year. I love to decorate and bake cookies, candy, etc. and snuggle down to watch Christmas shows. Something is different this year, though. My best friend has said for years that he doesn't like going to the different Christmas events because it's too commercialized. Of course, I disagreed because I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! This year I have started to agree with him somewhat.

When I first moved back to OK I was broke. But Christmas must go on. You must find a way to get gifts for everyone. Now that I have a better job (which I still love, by the way) I can afford to get gifts and not have to skip spending money on petty things like bills and food. I thought this would make things easier at Christmas but instead it has become it's own difficulty. Did I get enough for one person. Did I get too much for another?

The last few years I have bought my Christmas presents throughout the year so that everything is ready to go by the time I go to visit the family or they come down here for Thanksgiving. It makes the holiday time a lot less stressful. This year, however, things that shouted "This would be perfect for...(fill in relative's name here)" did not pop in to my line of vision. So, when I received my Christmas bonus I went in to full panic mode. I had no idea what to get anyone. Because I don't live in the same house/city/state as my family and haven't for years I don't know what their new hobbies are nor much else about them that may have changed. How do you shop for someone you don't really know anymore? These are still the same people I know and love but it's suddenly become incredibly difficult to find that perfect gift.

My niece is easy to shop for. She likes...stuff. My mom is relatively easy to shop for. My dad and sister are next to impossible. My sister is picky (not a bad thing) and my dad buys whatever he wants/needs. He has been banned from doing any shopping for himself the month before Christmas or his birthday. He is a pro at buying whatever someone else in the family has just bought him for a gift. I am like my niece. The best thing about shopping for me, though, is that I truly believe that it's the thought that counts. If I know that you went to at least a minimum of trouble and thought for me I will be happy.

I have so digressed from the point of this blog. In the midst of my panic to get the perfect gift and spend as much of my bonus as possible I realized that I was freaking out about...stuff. Yes, I realize that my family would be disappointed if they didn't receive anything but do I really need to freak about it? I am a worrier so it's very important to me to get things that I know they'll love. Or at least dislike as little as possible. I have been in the spend, spend, spend mentality. I receive flyers in the mail advertising this or that gadget/movie/game/toy. Thank goodness I don't watch television or I'd probably be overinundated there also. Instead of relaxing and taking my time I went in to attack mode. I am finished with my shopping. I'm thrilled about that. But, did I put as much thought in to my gifts as I have the past years? I have no idea.

I discovered something else about myself during my shopping breakdown. I completely let go of the real reason for the season. I haven't found the church at which I'm meant to be and haven't been looking as hard lately as I should be. So I have, in a sense, taken myself out of the most important part of the season. I miss the fellowship of having Christian friends around me. I do understand this is my fault and that I can do something about it. I like to use the excuse that I'm very shy. I do have difficulty meeting new people. Once I know you, though, you can't get me to shut up. If you have known me for years and are surprised by the previous statements try to remember back to when we first met.

I am determined to bring the season for me back to what it should be. It is a time for family and giving but it's for so much more. It's a time to remember that first Christmas present. A gift that was given not through riches, parades and pageantry but through humbleness (It is a word. I looked it up). I want to be happy because of the reason for the season not because of the number of gifts underneath my tree. Actually, I just want to be happy in general. I don't think that's too much to ask. I'll work on it.