Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Okay, have you ever really, REALLY disliked someone? To the point that just hearing them speak drives you up a wall? When you can't even hear their name without spewing some hate filled commentary on why they shouldn't even be inhabiting the planet? I have been going through this for the past couple of years about someone at church. AT MY CHURCH!!! Yes, I've prayed and asked God to help me not hate this person anymore, but you can all guess how much heart I put in to that section of my prayer. You know, those prayers where you think you should say something like that, knowing that God knows your heart, but saying it anyway without meaning it? Why do we do that? Prayer should be the most honest aspect of your life. It's not like you can lie to God or just fudge a little. He knows it all.

So, I've said these prayers and then felt guilty because I just LIED TO GOD!!! Why on earth did I just ask for help that I didn't really want? I was wallowing in my hatred toward this person who, at the most, deserved my pity, not anger. Not that the anger wasn't justified. But, it was completely unnecessary.

What finally stopped this almost two year long hatred was the very hard slap in the face that said that while I profess to be a Christian, I was showing those outside the church that they don't need to become Christians because I was acting worse than a lot of non-believers. Why should anyone go to church if they feel like that is the atmosphere into which they're going to walk? And, even though this person pretty much figured out that I couldn't stand to be in their presence, they didn't know why. Other people were seeing my attitude also since I do not now, nor will I ever, have a poker face. But, at the same time, I was pitying non-believers because they don't know my God. How arrogant am I?

So, I am working on my feelings toward this person and, lo and behold, I'm starting to feel better about myself. I'm not constantly griping and when I do start feeling ill towards this person, I remind myself that I most assuredly would NOT want someone to feel that way about me. Just let it go! If I walk out of the room with a heavy heart, I'm going to affect those around me. I don't want anyone's one and only thought of me to be, "Boy, is that woman cranky!"

I would love to someday be spoken of the way in which most people mention Miss Beth (if you go to my church, you know who she is). To be in Beth's presence is to be the most important person on the planet. You can be talking to her in the middle of a crowd and she doesn't seem to notice that there is anyone in the room, but you. Whatever you are saying to her is of great importance no matter how light or heavy the subject. She never NEVER makes anyone feel less than anyone else. We are all her grandkids and she has room in her heart for all of us. She is my model Christian. If I acted more like her, the people around me would never have to question whether or not it is a good thing to be a Christian. They'd want to "join the club".

Yes, I went off on a tangent, but that's what happens this late at night. My point is, I need to get off my high horse and realize that I am no better and no worse than any other person on this planet. I also need to get off my tuckus and stop expecting people to believe something that I'm not daily proving. It's late and I must stop before this becomes an all night rant. God bless. Oh! And be nice to people. You never know when you may need them as a character witness.